Understandably Inappropriate

With my grandpa's death last week, I encountered a whole new aspect of parenting a four and a half-year-old--explaining death.

I wanted to talk to Claudia about the funeral before we went. Claudia had some expected questions about death, like "how do people die?" or "why do people die?" I tried my best to answer her questions honestly and age appropriately. I was actually surprised by her ready acceptance of my answers without fear. She thoughtful about what I was saying to her, but in the end it did not seem like "big deal" to her.

This isn't to say that she did have some moments of, shall we say, "insensitivity." For example the night that I found out that my grandpa died Scott had picked Claudia up from school and talked to her about it on the way home. When she walked in the door she said her "hellos" and then said, "Mom, you remember that you grandpa died?" I couldn't help it, I started to cry and told her, "yes, it hadn't slipped my mind."

She had another question for us after the funeral while we were taking the short drive to the cemetery. We were piled in the car and I was upset after the service and Claudia blurts out, "where are we taking the dead guy?" I hate to admit it, but Scott and I started to laugh. I guess it was a good relief from the sad emotions I was having.

Although, I have to say that Scott's response was strangely funny too. He said, "Well, we are taking the box that Mommy's grandpa is in to a place called a cemetery. We can visit him there."

That was it, no more explanation. I told him, "You need to elaborate on that." I just caught a glimpse of what her little mind must be thinking.... sitting and talking to him in the box?!?

However, I don't think that the more elaborate explanation is much better or less confusing. "We dig a hole. Place the box in the ground. Cover it up. Come later and visit the covered hole."

Again, she did not have any questions about the explanation. I guess when you're four you just take some things at face value.

Other than that the funeral went well. I miss my grandpa, but it was good to remember and celebrate what an amazing, loving, funny person he was.