Understandably Inappropriate

With my grandpa's death last week, I encountered a whole new aspect of parenting a four and a half-year-old--explaining death.

I wanted to talk to Claudia about the funeral before we went. Claudia had some expected questions about death, like "how do people die?" or "why do people die?" I tried my best to answer her questions honestly and age appropriately. I was actually surprised by her ready acceptance of my answers without fear. She thoughtful about what I was saying to her, but in the end it did not seem like "big deal" to her.

This isn't to say that she did have some moments of, shall we say, "insensitivity." For example the night that I found out that my grandpa died Scott had picked Claudia up from school and talked to her about it on the way home. When she walked in the door she said her "hellos" and then said, "Mom, you remember that you grandpa died?" I couldn't help it, I started to cry and told her, "yes, it hadn't slipped my mind."

She had another question for us after the funeral while we were taking the short drive to the cemetery. We were piled in the car and I was upset after the service and Claudia blurts out, "where are we taking the dead guy?" I hate to admit it, but Scott and I started to laugh. I guess it was a good relief from the sad emotions I was having.

Although, I have to say that Scott's response was strangely funny too. He said, "Well, we are taking the box that Mommy's grandpa is in to a place called a cemetery. We can visit him there."

That was it, no more explanation. I told him, "You need to elaborate on that." I just caught a glimpse of what her little mind must be thinking.... sitting and talking to him in the box?!?

However, I don't think that the more elaborate explanation is much better or less confusing. "We dig a hole. Place the box in the ground. Cover it up. Come later and visit the covered hole."

Again, she did not have any questions about the explanation. I guess when you're four you just take some things at face value.

Other than that the funeral went well. I miss my grandpa, but it was good to remember and celebrate what an amazing, loving, funny person he was.

Grandparents

I received some very sad news today. My maternal grandfather passed away this morning. He would have been 92-years-old in June. What a long life to witness an overwhelming number of changes in the world.

He lived his entire life in the same couple square miles of Minnesota. His grandfather, father and he all farmed the same land and raised dairy cows and other livestock. He farmed the fields with large teams of horses and later with massive columbines. He knew every square inch of that land. He was a good and kind caretaker to all his animals (a "softy," I would say).

The farm was my favorite place to go as a child. Some of my fondest memories were summers spent running around that farm, playing in the barn, feeding the calves, wandering the pastures, and leading the cows home from the pasture to the barn for milking. It was just about the closest thing to heaven to a little kid who spent most of the time in the city.

Nights my grandma and grandpa would pop popcorn and we would play Uno. I still think of having zero points in Uno as "a goose egg" as my grandma would say. I clearly remember laughing all night during those games. My grandpa had a great laugh and an easy sense of humor. I will miss him.

I must remind myself that I have been very fortunate. I had all my grandparents well into my 30s, not many people get to have such amazing people in their lives for that long; I lost my paternal grandfather almost 3 years ago.

I very deliberately use the word "lost" because it does feel like losing something that is irreplaceable. There is no other relationship like the one between a grandparent and grandchild--all love and nothing else.

It is a pleasure to watch my kids have this special relationship with their grandparents. They are incredibly lucky to have the grandparents that they do. All love and spoiling and no criticisms or expectations.

So, thank you Grandpa, rest well now.

Special Surprises

Claudia is just full of the Christmas-giving spirit. They have been making special Christmas gifts to give away to family members at her school. She brought home a bag with a couple of wrapped gifts yesterday. I asked her if she wanted to put them under the tree, but she said, "Mom, I need to find a place to hide it in my room. I don't want Wilson to find it!" (pesky brothers!)

She then started to say, "Mom, you can't open this until Christmas! No peeking. It is so special! You are going to love it! I can't tell you what it is... it's got something really special in it. Oh! I can't say that! You can't open it until Christmas! It really special! Oh! I can't say that!"

I think that teachers at school must have drilled it into them that they can't tell anyone at home what the present is. I can't imagine how many times you have to tell a four or five-year-old not to give away a surprise for it to actually stick with them. My guess would be at least 1,000 times.

Now, she is finding other "gifts" to wrap and put under the tree. This morning she found "something really special to wrap up with used wrapping paper she found and put it under the tree for me. I have a feeling I am going to be missing a mascara or a sock or something for the next week until we open gifts on Christmas morning. I am sure there are going to be many "treasures" under the tree this year.

Letters to Santa

The other day Claudia walked up to me and said that she wanted "such and such" for Christmas. I told her that that sounded "good." She said, "Mom!! I need to tell him that!" My immediate thought was, "oh no! I need to get these kids to a Santa ASAP! Christmas is coming!" Later I thought perhaps I could avoid the long lines and tormenting Wilson with a sure-to-be scary man in a red suit by having her write her letter to Santa.

So Claudia is at this moment sitting at our kitchen table and writing her letter to Santa. She is writing it (with Scott spelling the words). Wow, what a difference a year can make. Last year she was still working on singing her ABCs. Next year is Kindergarten! I can't believe it!

Here is her letter:

Dear Santa,
(She is cutting to the chase, no pleasantries. The man is busy!)
Barbie
Pillow Pet
Easy Bake Oven
kitchen set

She is also writing Wilson's letter for him:
blue mack (this is a semi-truck)
fire truck
cars

love
Claudia Wilson

Christmas Can't Come Soon Enough

Poor Wilson! I think that he needs some new toys from Santa. (Sorry about the picture quality-it's from my cell phone.)

Broke-down Bunny

I think that this may go down as one of Scott's favorite Claudie stories.

One lovely Sunday afternoon while Scott was mowing the yard, Claudia ran up to him breathless holding a plastic bag. She exclaimed in a panicked voice, "Daddy, I need your help! There is a broke-down bunny! Come on!"

She grabbed Scott's hand and led him across the street from our house and urgently pointed to a dead bunny on the side of the road. She had been biking and come upon this sad scene. She handed the bag to Scott and told him that he needed to take care of the bunny. (She did not like the way the bunny looked at her.) Scott scooped up the bunny and bought it to the garbage can.

Claudia was genuinely sad for the bunny and asked Scott if it was going to be lonely in the garbage can without any of its bunny friends and she thought maybe she could put some toys in the can with it. Scott explained that we throw away a lot of "interesting" things and the bunny would find things to play with in the can. She seemed satisfied with that.

Scott has asked Claudia a number of times to repeat the story of the broke-down bunny and when she is asked what it means to be a "broke-down" bunny, she will say that the bunny "died-ed."

It is sort of a sad and gross story if you think about it, but the part that I like best is that she really did feel for the little bunny and wanted to make sure that it was entertained while awaiting the trip to the dump. (Of course she doesn't really realize where the garbage ends up. I know that we should tell her about landfills and whatnot in order to give her some "green education," but that sure wasn't the time!)

Fall

All I can say is, "Oh my!" We are a busy family here in Chanhassen (or as my sister refers to it "Chan-happin'). We returned from our wonderful trip to The Shore to a very new Fall routine. Claudia started school, soccer and gymnastics the first week that we returned.

Claudia is greatly enjoying school. I think that she is just mostly happy that she isn't relying solely on me for her entertainment. I think that my company grew rather tiresome for her by the end of the summer. She has made a lot of new friends. We are still working on names. I asked her for the first 3 weeks if she played with any friends and she said that she did and when I asked for their names she did not have a clue.

Soccer is fairly hysterical. I don't know if Claudia had ever really kicked a ball before she started that first night. She has improved and is really having fun. She has a particular way of kicking the ball-very danceline-esque with a straight leg that gets pretty high up in the air. She is certainly the only member of her team to skip to the ball while she is playing. She is a great "social ambassador" for her team as well. At the last game, her coach was told by a little girl on the opposing team that "Claudia can't play right now because we are making friends." Claudia did not see any problems with that.

All and all things are going very well. The kids are tired as are Scott and I. I think that I am getting a good glimpse into what the next 15 years are going to be like--CRAZY and BUSY!

See some photos from our great trip and Claudia's soccer in the upper-right corner.